


Adam, Eve and Steve

by cym0n



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROMA, I am so sorry, Inspired by Alec Benjamin, It's a gift so, Other, YOUR DAD LOVES YOU, and its this wreck, but hey, its complete bullshit, its for a birthday child, its my first and only contribution to good omens, its not worth reading, really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 04:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21229907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cym0n/pseuds/cym0n
Summary: This is my gift for my favorite and only child in the world: Osmo_Sis (pls check her out, she's an amazingly talented author), other known as Roma. Also, it's her birthday!!I really love you and I hope you'll enjoy this bullshittery I did. I know you love Good Omens so, I hope you'll enjoy it!! ♥For everyone else reading: Have fun. Or Run.





	Adam, Eve and Steve

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Osmo_sis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Osmo_sis/gifts).

As it is well and thoroughly known, every story - every good story - finds it’s very beginning in a garden. If you think about it, every story has to have started in a garden at some point, maybe the story just sets place a little after another garden-incident, be it in good or bad memory.

  
Whichever case it was with your story, this one, is a whole different one. Or maybe it is the same? Since this is the Origin of all the garden-stories to follow. Well, at least a part of it. I know that for it to be a good and important part in the ineffable plan, a garden-incident has to take time to happen. 7 is a good number at that. Be it seconds, minutes, hours, days or decades. Remember that. It’s always 7.

Except in this story, it’s actually 4.

4 Beings inside the garden. One unlike the other in more than one sense. And this is where our story - this particular part of the garden-story - begins.

(At this point it might also be important to say that this particular garden, the garden Eden as it was called, was the first garden to ever be. There weren’t even any other gardens around to start the story in. And maybe, just maybe, this story is a little different from what others like you to believe. But this story is made by  _ me _ personally, so it has to be the truth, right?)

  
  


It has been a nice day when our story takes place. All days had been nice up to this point. And there had been 7 of them already. But something in the air, something ineffable was about to take place, that would change the days and the world they lived in, for all eternity.

And in Adam and Eve’s case, for as long as their human lives lasted. 

Their world, the garden, was rich in vegetables, fruit and anything else that Adam and Eve could have wanted or desired. It was peaceful, it was paradise and it was everything that was supposed to be for the rest of eternity. Maybe it would stretch farther, maybe it would have been filled with other humans of any kind. One of which was already on the way. Another life was blossoming inside the human god decided to call ‘woman’ called Eve. The miracle of birth was one of the very first miracles to happen to Adam and Eve. But it was yet a temptation to follow that no human could have resisted.

The temptation had a name. And it was a fitting one. Crawley, as a serpent, crawled over the ground, approaching the human god had decided to call ‘Man’, ever so slowly, ever so threatening out of it’s kingdom underneath their feet.

A world they were unaware of.

The snake slithered across the ground, larger than any of its kin and with scales as dark as the night and as red as the fire it slithered out of.   
The man, Adam in this story, didn’t notice the demonic force that was slowly creeping up on him, though he noticed something he had never noticed before, a cold shiver running down his spine before the snake, with quick and silver tongue, whispered to him in words of promise, temptation and sin. 

Maybe, the story would have ended differently if Crawley, the serpent, would have chosen another target. But who could know in this story that played in a time, where all there was, was a garden, a woman, a man and two forces of heaven and hell.

“Take the fruit”, the serpent whispered in it’s tempting tongue, close to Adam’s ear: “you know you want to. It’s good for you, go and see for yourself.”    
Adam, as if frozen in place, stared at the fruit straight ahead of them, a few meters by foot. Bright and red and the only fruit the tree held in all it’s green and tempting glory. “Yes, don’t you want to have a taste? What harm is trying going to do?”, Crawley whispered further, his voice surrounding Adam as if Crawley’s massive serpent-body was the one itself to wrap around him. He couldn’t move away. Only forward, he knew that. But for a moment longer, he stayed, staring at the fruit.

What Adam didn’t know, what also Crawley didn’t know, was the gaze of another deity that was watching the scene unfold from it’s post above the Eastern Gate. The deity, called Aziraphale, was watching in shock and displeasure, as he saw the snake whispering to Adam.

  * Or, what he believed to be whispering. It was obvious that even an angel like Aziraphale was, couldn’t possibly hear over this distance. It could have also been that the snake was just breathing into Adam’s ear. But even that, he would have found suspicious in some way.

The angel’s wings spread and on bright and white feathers, he let himself fly over close to where Adam and the serpent were. 

  * Now _this_ distance was enough for him to eavesdrop. Angels _did_ have some kind of extended hearing after all. How else would they hear the prayers later on, when earth would be different and god wasn’t available? 
  * Of course, as it was now, Aziraphale didn’t have that kind of superhuman hearing ability, which was also only included for _human_ _prayers_ and nothing else. Right now, he heard like every other human did. Back to the story

_ “Take the fruit. Go on…” _ , the snake whispered with his wicked tongue and Aziraphale, Angel and Guardian of the eastern Gate, knew that there had to be something he could have done. Creation was just 7 days ago, and already the demons showed themselves, crawling through the earth as if buried under like a corpse would in the future. Truly demonic. And Aziraphale had to think fast. Faster than he had ever done before.

He had to act, he had to act fast. But he also knew that showing himself to the humans would only result in questions he wasn’t ready to answer - the demon was obviously too demonic and evil to care.

But who would he have been, an angel, a guardian, the bearer of the flaming sword that could bring down whole armies of demonic forces, one of the most trusted angels among their ranks, if he couldn’t think of something to trick the human with - pardon -  _ convince _ them of the things that were right and good. Lead them back to the right path. A godly appearance, a holy choir, a miracle, anything alike. It was easy, if he thought about it…

Unfortunately, Aziraphale found himself in one of the most human emotions he could have felt at that time: Panic.

Aziraphale panicked and soon, he turned himself into another form. A younger form. He tried to come up with a form that felt real, that felt like it fitted.

And out of the bushes walked a young human man, not too tall and not too small in stature with pale skin and brown hair, while his eyes were the bluest blue, that anyone could ever imagine. The kind of blue teenagers would put up on neon-aesthetics on tumblr in a few thousand years from this point, maybe longer. His face was perfectly symmetrical with no marks or anything out of the ordinary on it. 

It was as if he was just something, pretending to be human. Some deity, that looked human every single day but forgot about that himself. It was as - and I’m saying this with all the love god can feel for their creations - if Aziraphale, was merely an idiot. Another pretty human thing for someone, that only knew the humans for around 7 days. Almost 8. 

Oh, and there was also one specific thing, the angel didn’t quite get. The angel didn’t quite think of. Since Aziraphale - though being an angel - felt some kind of shame in himself - he wore something around his waist. A piece of cloth, covering parts that humans would soon learn to cover. Though here’s a funny thing: Did you know that angels were not supposed to have any genitalia whatsoever? I’m not going to speak it out, but Aziraphale didn’t change much in that sense either.    
Good thing the cloth was there.

The serpent, looking in suspicion over to the newfound human, let go of Adam, leaving his words to flood away in the male’s mind, just to eye the new human up and down.    
Adam did the same, snapping out of the temptation that had reached him from the serpent’s non-existing lips.

“And who might  _ you _ be, human?”, the serpent hissed at Aziraphale-turned-human and Aziraphale felt at a loss of words, opening his new mouth to say something, but losing any words that might have come off of it as Eve - Adam’s wife and first woman to walk the earth - stepped into the scene as well, looking in confusion at the scene in a mute manner.   


  * Humans didn’t tend to speak much in Eden. What a bliss.

“My name-”, there it was, he had found a voice that very much sounded like Aziraphale’s own - since it was - “... oh I  _ do _ have a name. And it is a great one. It is-”, his gaze went over to Eve once again, suddenly coming up with something great, something grand. Something that hasn’t been there before.

“Steve. My name is Steve.”, there was a smug smile on Aziraphale’s lips, as he waved at the snake and the other two human humans. “Hello.”

  * Mind you, the name ‘Steve’ hasn’t existed back in the day.

“Steve?”, the serpent snarled, as much as it was possible for the reptile, and it’s bright yellow eyes eyed the being once again. Suspicion rising yet again. “What-”, but before the Serpent could speak out his question, Azira- Steve already raised his voice again.

“I beg your pardon, Adam, I know it’s not my business but… I think I should tell you something important.” The serpent widened its eyes at that, very much knowing what was going on, slithering back to Adam the second Steve had ended his words.

_ “Don’t listen to him-” _

“I wouldn’t lie, Adam. I only want what’s best for you. You should  _ not _ under any circumstances go over to that tree.”, Steve was gesturing towards the tree, like someone, disguised as a human would try to hold a real human back from a fatal mistake. The serpent hissed, it’s massive body slithering around Adam just to whisper back into his ear. Though there was no time for it to speak. 

“The serpent, this demonic snake right there, knows that the apple grows from a  _ forbidden _ seed.”

_ “Don’t listen, Adam. You want the fruit, don’t you? And it’s right there…”, _ the snake whispered:  _ “... just in your reach.” _ The reptiles voice grew louder so that also Steve and Eve could hear it very clearly.  _ “Certainly, the lord wouldn’t put a tree with a forbidden fruit in the midst of this garden and call it a day. Why create a forbidden fruit if it is forbidden to eat? Isn’t it… an invitation? A test at best?” _

“Well…”, Steve didn’t know an answer to that. If Steve would have been anything more than a human, he would have known… should have known. But Steve was just a plain human male, with nothing out of the ordinary on him.    
In the end, Steve decided that talking to the serpent would not end well. So he turned his gaze to Adam and Eve. The eyes of Adam glittering as he glanced over to the tree. Desire. Temptation. All lied within.

“Adam, let me ask you, a very fair question…”, Aziraphale, who was Steve in that moment, started before he took a step forth: “Why do you want the things you can’t have, while you have all the things you need?”

Somehow, Steve knew that the snake was rolling its eyes on him. If snakes were able to do that.  _ This one definitely was. _ He thought.

Also, snakes weren’t around for long. Just as long as everything else. Which was 7 days in total. So to figure out if snakes - actual ones - could really roll their eyes or not, would probably take some more time and investigation. 

_ “So, what is it?” _ , the snake asked in its snakey manner.

Adam, by now, was turning away from the serpent, to go over to Eve instead. The day, day 7 to be exact, was saved at last. Or so it seemed.

“What is what?”, Steve asked, still beaming with the glory of a man, that saved humanity from being extinct after 7 days only. Well, 7 days of earth, not 7 days of humans. 

_ “The tree. The fruit. Work with me here.” _ , the snake slithered closer, towering itself up to be at eye-height with Steve. And Steve could almost feel the demonic aura that surrounded the snake.    
“Oh, why would I tell a demon like you?”, Steve asked, not intimidated by the snake as he took a step forward towards it. 

_ “Aren’t you curious yourself, ‘Steve’? What the fruit tastes like?” _ , Crawley asked in a snakey manner, at which Steve just huffed in a human manner. Just a snake and a man talking like any other day. Nothing out of the ordinary to see.

“I am not. Because I know it is forbidden. And I, for one, can follow rules when given to me. This garden is paradise. Why wouldn’t I follow God's ineffable rules for all the gifts they have given us?”, Steve said, pride - but not the sin-kinda pride but a soft and warmhearted pride to be part of the very heavens - in his chest as he looked the snake in it’s poisonous eyes.

_ “Oh come on! What is it with that fruit?” _ , the snake hissed and slithered closer, Steve standing as strong as he could with this massive body slithering around him, just to have that serpent’s head staring at him from over his shoulder.  _ “Why is it forbidden? What does it hold? The lord would certainly not make a fruit without a purpose but to be eaten, just to forbid people from using it the way it’s intended. There is something. Tell me.” _

And for a moment, those neon-blue eyes were captivated by the deep yellow that they were staring into, Steve was as if he was in a dream. He couldn’t move for a second and even if he tried, he knew his muscles wouldn’t have listened to him.

However, Steve soon stepped away from the snake in a hurried manner, walking away just enough to not be surrounded by the massive and strong body. “Ha! Nice try, demon. But even I, Az- Steve don’t know god’s ineffable plan. Because it is  _ ineffable. _ Who knows what she, they or he intended with a tree of knowledge, that only bears one fruit in total in the middle of paradise?”

If snakes would have eyebrows, the snake would have certainly raised them in curiosity and surprise. 

And if Steve would have a little more self-control, he would have held himself back from talking altogether.

Both of these things combined were important factors at which Eve and Adam had walked over to the tree, taking bites out of the juicy and delicious fruit of knowledge, that was standing there, for days by now, without anyone touching it.

One would think human curiosity to have a limit, but whoever thought of that, was either stupid or a liar. You see, the angel and the demon didn’t know that. They thought that humans didn’t have as much free will as they did. Their free will also allowed them to forget rules and orders, to have a taste of knowledge that was just within their reach.

God, however, that is a different case. They knew, because they created. And maybe this story was part of the ineffable plan. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was the start of a new one from scratch.

Whatever it may have been, what the story didn’t involve was - just a few hours later - an angel called Steve - I mean Aziraphale - walking up to the two humans - now covering their parts in leaves and twigs, handing them not a simple weapon, but his own flaming sword.

This was the start of a new story altogether.

And as the demon and the angel watched from their spots on the wall the story unfold, the earth had just begun to spin in the direction of a plan that nobody could quite grasp.

  
  


What is important to mention is that, 

A) Both, Aziraphale and Crawley, would still remember this event for eternity, as it would sometimes creep up on both of them to haunt their waking dreams and cringe them to oblivion, if that was a thing.

B) This is the true story from where the name ‘Steve’ originated. Also, Steve is a unisex name, for reasons that should be obvious without speaking them out.

C) This might have been a true story. Or it hasn’t been. But it could be a story for a young theology-student that might be preaching the true story, the story of Steve, sometime in the future.

And D) The reader of this story, the  _ owner _ of this story, is very much loved and appreciated and is currently celebrating her 19th birthday. Not everything important has a 7 in it after all, but we’re getting there. Happy birthday, Roma!

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY CHILD!!!
> 
> WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH! ♥


End file.
